What is the measure of friendships? 

Albeit all my friendships are valuable to me, I ask this question because it is true that some friendships are indeed more valuable than others. To me, at least, its a variety of things that decide that. 

(I guess this question also suggests that I have a hierarchical approach to friends. Or maybe I am just lazy to catergorize or find terms to label them as companions? friends with benefits? etc.)

Before delving into this topic, it is important to acknowledge that to even establish a friendship is not an easy task already. A number of criteria and maybe even circumstances have to be met.

Getting on with the topic:

1. Honesty/ Realness

To me, the extent of honesty reflects directly to the extent of the friendship at hand. Honesty, is the symbol of trust and closeness to me. This is so because being honest means I am willing to tell them more things that are closer to my heart, which may exhibit some of my flawed thinking or brutally honest opinions. In other words, I reveal my more judgemental or ugly side I guess. To be able to tell or show my friend this side of me, means I feel secure enough with him or her. It suggests that I can be in my own skin in front of them. This usually takes a long time and many common experiences to attain for an introvert like me.

2. Attuneness

How much of a friend you are to me also depends on our level of attuneness. Attuneness in terms of interests, emotions and perceptions. It does mean like-mindedness to a certain extent because it means that our views of this world is in sync in some way. But, I think to a greater extent, it is more about getting each other. Like we appreciate each other’s unique perceptions on things because we can empathize and are willing to. It shows our mutual understanding of each other and ability to enter each other’s wave lengths.

3. Effort

This yard stick of friendship is quite paradoxical though, especially when there is a lack of effort between friends. The lack of effort can suggest the existence of complacencies between friends. It does not neccessarily mean that they dont care much for each other but, that they are so close, they take each other for granted. The abundance of effort is less debatable because regardless, it means that you treasure this friendship a lot. Thus, to me, I still find that friendships that I invest more, are more important and valuable friendships.

These are the main criterias I guess. But, I believe interlacing and connecting all these criteria together is the common experiences we share as friends and the affinity that exists between us. 🙂

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