It’s been a long while since I wrote something for you, mummy. Pardon if the words of appreciation have gone a little rusty.
I was planning on what to write to you in camp. I listed some points down and then screening those points, I realised the things I want to thank you for and apologize for have not changed since I was a kid.
Knowing how negative I can be, worrying thoughts flood my mind… Have I not matured over the years? Why am I still so dependent? Why do I still treat you so badly? Why am I not making your life any easier? Why can’t I be nicer to you? Why do I still take you for granted?
Even as I write this letter, I don’t really know the reason why things have not changed much. Papa will probably say that we have been too pampered, which I think is the hard truth. The truth is you have always been so forgiving and compromising. It’s because you forgive so easily, we feel that it’s not really hurtful when we treat you the way we do and that it doesn’t really affect you. But, I know that it hurts.
In the presence of dad, we often have to be a little careful, because he is more sensitive and the consequences of hurting him are on a much larger scale. But, with you, we can be in our own skin and throw our tantrums, knowing well that you will always give in to our nonsense.
‘Nonsense’ is an understatement. I think Mei Mei and me have given you more than nonsense. We have said hurtful things to you, threw our tantrums and gave our unruly attitudes. We gave you a hard time.
Regardless of all these, you forgave us every single time.
And that’s why I have not grown as a son.
But, none of these is your fault because forgiving and compromising was the greatest gift you gave us and we have taken it for granted.
I guess even if it means thanking and apologizing for the same thing every year, I shouldn’t have stopped and won’t stop doing it because, it will serve as a reminder that I must change, even in the smallest way possible.
I thank you for tolerating us as a family. It isn’t just sis and me you have to deal with. Dad too has his fair share of ‘nonsense’. Thank you for taking the effort to change yourself even though it’s difficult. I know you are trying and we don’t thank you enough for it. For Scott, for our erratic behaviour, for our temper, for our anxieties, and for many more things…
Thank you. Even though you always say you have not been a very responsible mom, I know you are trying your best and so, thank you for being the best mummy you can be and we can have.